A Day in the Life of the (Essentially) Unemployed

A Day in the Life of the (Essentially) Unemployed

1 am: Finish watching David Letterman and get ready for bed. Wonder how Dave manages to get quite impressive political guests, and why I bother waiting to watch the musical guest when they always suck. Make promise to self to do something productive when I get up.

8 am: Wake up to the sound of mother getting ready for work. Wonder how she’s managing to make the sound of eating cereal so loud. Realise there’s no work today. Curse choice of career. Consider becoming carpenter. Go back to sleep.

8:10 am: Woken by mother informing me she’s leaving for work. Wonder why she felt I need to be told this. Surely I would have figured it out myself?

9:45 am: Get up. Change shirt but decide that pyjama pants are fine. Try and remember last time pyjama pants weren’t the days clothing choice. Fail. Stare in mirror.

10 am: Check email. Curse people who haven’t replied. Wiki movie that’s been advertised. Read entry on main actor.

11 am: Wonder how actors page lead to reading about the early years of Charles Manson.

11:20 am: Discover the first season of Around the Twist was made in 1989. Wonder if this means I first saw the show when only 3 years old, or if I only saw reruns. Wonder how the early years of Charles Manson lead to Around the Twist.

11:30: Read web comics.

11:40 am: Check which episode of Star Trek Voyager is coming on Sci Fi soon. Decide said episode is not worth leaving bedroom for.

11:45 am: Check emails. Curse people who have not replied.

12 noon: Leave bedroom and put on Ellen. Consider getting lunch.

12:05 pm: Have left over’s for lunch. Wish editors would cut out the audience hollering at beginning of Ellen. It’s getting worse than Oprah.

12:40 pm: Get freaked out by annoying teen twin boys who apparently have their own show in the US. Come up with the idea for them to hook up with the Olson twins. Wonder if Olson twins are too old for the boys. Switch over to Dr Phil until freaky twins go away.

1 pm: Channel surf on Foxtel. Become enthralled and horrified at the Duggar family, who have 14 children and no intention to stop. Holy crap the mother is pregnant.

3 pm: Do some laundry. Only have two pair of pants from the last two weeks. Throw in pyjama pants. Morn loss of pyjama pants. Put on new pyjama pants.

3:30 pm: Play The Sims 2.

5 pm: Begin blog. Amazed that ‘Oprah’ is recognised by spell check.

6 pm: Wonder when dinner will be ready.

6:30 pm: Eat dinner and watch Neighbours. Remember when I actually cared what happened on Neighbours. Plan nights TV schedule.

11:55 pm: Decide to watch tonight’s David Letterman. Make promise to self to do something productive tomorrow.